


I'm Your Tweek, And You're My Craig

by SkyDether



Category: American Dad!, South Park
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe, Boyfriends, Crossover, Dom/sub, Drama, Drama & Romance, Drug Use, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Gun Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, Light BDSM, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Profanity, Romance, Ship, Slash, Slow Burn, Smut, To Be Continued, creek - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-03-03 22:01:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13350402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyDether/pseuds/SkyDether
Summary: Epic Slash Ship FicCraigxButtersTweekxMichaelButtersxMichael (true love)CraigxKenny (rebound)TweekxPete (rebound)TweekxCraig (true love)KennyxStan (secret affair)Kenny dumps Stan for PeteKennyxPeteCartman stalks KennyStanxClyde





	1. Burn It Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Butters and Michael are competing in the South Park Talent Show.  
> They have been working on their tap dancing routine nearly every day for a month.  
> The two talented dancers spend more and more time rehearsing and less and less time with their stunning boyfriends, Craig and Tweek.  
> It's the night of the Big Show!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have altered a few things. The dance contest is now a talent show. Butters and Michael are performing as a couple.  
> I finally found the Inspirado to start this story! Celine Dion's "Alone" (live version/cover of Heart song). I wrote this today.
> 
> "Alone"
> 
> I hear the ticking of the clock  
> I'm lying here the room's pitch dark  
> I wonder where you are tonight  
> No answer on the telephone  
> And the night goes by so very slow  
> Oh I hope that it won't end though  
> Alone
> 
> Till now I always got by on my own  
> I never really cared until I met you  
> And now it chills me to the bone  
> How do I get you alone  
> How do I get you alone
> 
> You don't know how long I have wanted  
> To touch your lips and hold you tight, oh  
> You don't know how long I have waited  
> and I was going to tell you tonight  
> But the secret is still my own  
> and my love for you is still unknown  
> Alone

Wendy Testaburger was singing her heart out at the talent show! She was doing a rousing rendition of Heart's "Alone". She secretly dedicated her song to Stan. No matter what she did, she just couldn't seem to get his attention and cried many lonely tears in her room alone at night while staring at his picture.

As Wendy was singing, Butters and Michael were backstage listening. They stood very close together and their knuckles brushed against each other. They both flinched at the hot contact. They turned and looked into each other's eyes and began to breath heavily. Suddenly! Michael grabbed his gorgeous blondie dance partner's hand and pulled him into the lush red velvet curtains they were standing behind. The soft, sexy velvet enveloped the young lovers as they held each other tightly. Tears were flowing down Michael's soft, pale, sunken cheeks as he finally felt Butter's impossibly soft blonde hair between his fingers.

 **Butters: We can't Michael. It's not right.** he said with a breathy whisper.

This only made Michael's passion for his beautiful towheaded boy burn even more. He didn't care about anything or anyone else. He cradled the dancer's face in his warm hands and pulled him in to a long soft kiss.

Butters was swept away by the tall brunette's powerful passionate kiss. His skin erupted in goosebumps and the secret kissers became even more gorgeous as their bodies flooded with adrenaline and their cheeks flushed with the bloom of new burning desire. Butters felt his knees begin to buckle and leaned into his lover's tall, strong frame. They had been wanting each other for so long and both feared that after the talent show they would not be able to spend any more time together.

Michael's heart and body swelled and throbbed with love. He grasped the lapels of Butter's super sexy tuxedo and began to slide his desperate tongue along the blonde's swollen red sugar lips. He _THRUST_ his tongue into Butter's delicious buttery mouth and the two tuxedo clad hotties moaned with longing and pleasure. Their souls ached and never wanted this first kiss to end.

Meanwhile, in the audience Tweek and Craig were sitting far apart and waited to cheer for their talented boyfriends. Their gaze was drawn by the heat and emotions pulsing from the stage. Only the two boys noticed the pair of feet under the red velvet curtains. Their luscious mouths dropped open when they saw the pairs of bright blue saddle tap shoes entwined together.

You could almost hear the two huge, delicate hearts breaking in the same moment. Tweek trembled with grief, he had feared this would happen. He hung his head low and didn't even want to finish his latte. He couldn't stop the tears from rolling down his face. Craig scowled with hatred and betrayal. His body flooded with anger and he just wanted to start punching things. Butters was his first love and boyfriend and he had given himself completely to the blonde, body and soul. 

Wendy asked the audience to hold up heart hands and Craig thrust two middle fingers at her. Tweek looked up and saw Craig's rage filled salute. Tweek often caught himself staring at the gorgeous sagitarius alpha dom. He was not aware of it, but his sub needs were growing and Michael just wasn't man enough for him. 

The two jilted lovers dutifully stayed to support the performances of their supposed boyfriends. Both broken hearts were filled with dread at the thought of watching Butters and Michael dance together. 

Wendy saw Craig's rude gesture and suddenly stopped singing! She instantly began sobbing and ran off of the stage with her hands over her humiliated face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never really listened to Celine Dion before. She really does have an amazing voice. That show looks pretty awesome.  
> Thank you to all of you beautiful, inspiring artists!  
> How cute is this Ricky?


	2. Something In My Front Pocket For You (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talent Show

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Song: "Come Together" by The Beatles  
> ("Abbey Road" Version) (with brilliant Nick Young tap routine)
> 
> He one spinal cracker  
> He got feet down below his knee  
> Hold you in his armchair you can feel his disease  
> He one Mojo filter  
> He say. "One and one and one is three"  
> Got to be good looking 'cause he so hard to see  
> Come together right now over me

The two secret kissers, Butters and Michael, were hidden in a world of their own red velvet desire and did not notice the humiliated little brunette girl race off of the stage sobbing. Michael's mind and body were completely consumed with consuming Butters' thick love and throbbing lips. They continued to explore each others' hot bodies, lost out of time and space. 

**Mr. Garrison: mr. slave! You've got to find Team Sprocket! They are supposed to dance next. We can't let those little bastards ruin my big moment! This show is what is going to finally get me out of this shit-hole! When Simon Cowell sees my performance as MC he is going to whisk me away to his breeding yacht. They'll ruin everything! This show MUST GO ON!!**

**mr. slave: Jesthus Chirisht!**

Craig saw that Wendy ran off the stage after seeing his "FUCK YOU" hands and felt a little bad, until he saw RavenStan rushing back stage. _Crazy bitch is out of her mind anyway. And I'm sick of his poser/vamp nonsense._ thought the angry, hurt, wounded alpha/dom. Tweek grabbed his latte and moved to the back of the auditorium to a row behind Craig. He told himself it was to get a better view of the stage but truthfully, it was a better view of Craig.

mr. slave ran with panic around backstage looking for Team Sprocket/Butters and Michael. His dom could be quite a nasty handful when he was mad about work. _oh yeasth!_ mr. slave thought about the glorious punishments he would receive later! But right now, his Master had given him a vital task, his loving trust in him must not be squandered. mr. slave paused and suddenly felt himself getting very aroused. He used his rock hard erection like a water divining ROD and picked up the boys' burning, intense, forbidden sexual energy. He followed his twitching ROD to the red velvet curtains, looked down and saw the sexy shoes under the curtain.

Always a drama queen at heart, mr. slave tore the curtains open! 

**JESTHUS CHIRISTHT!** he shrieked!

From the stage, Mr. Garrison heard the shriek and turned to see mr. slave standing with the dancers. _Thank Gawd! mr. slave might have just earned his bubble butt a night in the shed!_

 **Now, to take the stage, for our final performance, please welcome state tap champion Leopold Stotch and his partner Michael!** Mr. Garrison walked off of the stage past the two flushed and blushed cheaters. **Don't screw this up!** he said with a frightening frown and poked Leopold in the chest! 

Michael saw this and balled his fists up to slug the teacher but Butters pulled him onto the stage. Thankfully the hard muscles of their dancer bodies could not get any warmer. They finally clomped onto the stage for the performance they had been rehearsing nearly every day for a month.

Waiting at the microphone was Michael's cousin from South Park High, Steve Smith. He was singing a special song for the Team Sprocket's genius tap routine. Steve was a gorgeous vision in an open white linen shirt cascading around his hard pale, post puberty body, tight white jeans and a pair of new red Jack Purcell kicks. His David Ruffin Brand glasses were super sexy. He loved to be worshipped by the girls and boys, parents and grandparents, teachers and principals, maintenance crews and security guards.

He winked and pointed to the band leader, who cued the school orchestra to begin playing. He did a quick sexy Michael Jackson twirl and crotch grab to squeals of delight and smoothly glided into the background as Team Sprocket strolled to center stage. His voice was on point and the band was strong with many hours of practice.

Michael and Butters took their first position, facing each other and holding hands. They stared deeply into each others' eyes and their rosy faces lit up with huge smiles birthed out of new love and confidence. The secret lovers were living only in this beautiful moment.

 **You go get em baby and I'll kiss your broken leg.** whispered Michael to his champion cutie.

To be continued ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I truly think Butters is the hottest catch of South Park Elementary.  
> When I sat at the computer I was not planning on writing this story. Now it's 2 hours later!  
> I had no intention of writing about mr. slave but there he is! How weird is my subconscious? Should I be scared?  
> I think this was about mr. slave. He was not in my notes or drafts.  
> Steve Smith from American Dad! was also a surprise appearance for me. American Dad! and South Park seem like they are in the same universe to me. I wonder if others agree?  
> This sure is fun to write though!


	3. Dirty Dancing (Something In My Front Pocket 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Talent Show comes to an incredible finish!  
> The boys get served!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter song: "When I Get You Alone" by Robin Thicke  
> (live on DWTS)
> 
> You makin' dogs wanna beg  
> Breaking them off your fancy legs  
> But they make you feel right at home, now
> 
> When I get you alone ('lone)  
> When I get you you'll know baby (know)  
> When I get you alone ('lone)  
> When I get you alone now (it's all mine)
> 
> 'Cause you shook that room like a star, now  
> Yes you did, oh

Smooth, sexy, silver tongued Steve Smith strutted back and forth in front of the orchestra and rocked his straight hips to the music as he crooned Robin Thicke's "Get You Alone". The fangirls squealed with delight and Mr. Garrison and mr. slave watched from backstage with lustful open mouths. 

Butters and Michael began their flawless routine, tapping side by side, their white tuxedo jackets spinning out behind them. They filled the stage and auditorium with a beauty and sexual energy that turned on everyone in the place. The many, many, many hours they had spent together made the dance flow through them like magic, a love channeled from the Heavens. The spotlight made Butters' hair glow like a halo around his gorgeous, beaming face.

Steve Smith was killing it as it seemed like nearly all of South Park's residents leapt to their feet and moved to the sensual, silky stylings of his powerful yet seductive voice. The room pulsed with joy and sex and beauty. Steve surveyed the adoring crowd with pleasure and pride but found his gaze drawn to two dark, still, spots in the rows of seats. A consummate entertainer, he could only focus on the two people in the room that were not having a good time, no matter how well the show was going.

He stepped up his sexy even more and began to move through the crowd, winking and touching the adoring hands reaching out to him. Sweat began to roll down his gorgeous, slender chest as he danced and sang for his cousin's boyfriend and a guy in a blue hat. Tweek managed to look up and wave at Steve with a weak smile. When Craig saw Tweek smile, he couldn't help but smile himself. Steve signaled to cut his spotlight and made his way back to the orchestra, all the while belting out the tune perfectly.

All eyes focused on the dancers on stage as Butters and Michael began their amazing finale. Butters ran to Michael and they embraced and spun around together impossibly fast. Then the talented goth lifted the delicate blonde in his strong arms as they spun and then lifted him above his head and launched the champion dancer high above his head. Butters soared into the air like an Angel, his blonde hair shinning like the sun in the intense spotlight. He spun in the air and his new secret lover caught him in his strong arms. 

South Park had never seen anything like it before and went crazy for the passionate performers. Michael held Butters in his arms in a perfect dip position and they stared into each others eyes as waves of love came crashing over their panting, sweaty, hard bodies. The powerful attraction between them could not be denied in this perfect moment as Butters wrapped his arms around Michael’s neck and they embraced into a deep kiss. Once again the whole world faded and they were the center of their own passionate universe.

Mr. Garrison came rushing out onto the stage and into his own glory as Steve gave him the microphone:

**Mr. Garrison: Wow! What an incredible performance! Let's hear it for Team Sprocket and the amazing Steve Smith!**

The three performers stood together, panting, grinning, sweating and held hands as they bowed together to cheers and whistles as flowers and pooh bears rained down on the stage from the adoring fans. Steve stepped forward for a final bow and then exited the stage. The two dancers stepped forward to the edge of the stage for a few more bows. As they waved, Butters and Michael searched for Craig and Tweek in the crowd but couldn't find them. They started to come down from the performance high and realize what just happened in front of the whole town. They glanced at each other and quickly dropped their hands to their sides.

The show wrapped up, with a small award ceremony in which Team Sprocket were given a huge trophy, $5,000 prize and various gift cards.

Craig scowled as he stalked down the hallway of South Park High. His stomach churned and he felt like there was an elephant stomping on his chest. He had never felt such heartache before and just wanted to feel ANYTHING else and punched and kicked a random orange locker. As he slammed and dented the cold metal, blood began to smear on Toshi's locker and splatter onto his angry, sultry face. Finally all Craig felt was stinging physical pain and a hollow chest. He grimaced as he looked down at his bloody, bruised and swollen knuckles. He made his way to the boy's bathroom and kicked the door open with his heavy combat boot.

Tweek's cold, unfinished latte exploded onto the ground as he was startled by his wounded future Dom suddenly coming into his bathroom of despair!

**Craig: What the hell's wrong with you? Get the fuck outta here you pussy!**

Tweek couldn't help but burst into tears at his harsh words and was frozen in grief.

Craig felt bad about lashing out at the wrong person and reached to touch the beautiful blonde's shoulder but pulled back when he saw the blood dripping down his fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been away from my stories for too long.


	4. Kenny & The Coon (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Coon suspects Mysterion is not the hero he claims to be.
> 
> His investigation leads him into the seedy underground world of crime that is corrupting South Park from within.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Inspired by "Rock Out" by Lil Reek  
> **WARNING: Heavy Profanity by a kid**
> 
> Rock out, rock out  
> Rock motherfuckin' out, 'til I pull this Glock out  
> Bitch I do this for the collard greens and the fuckin' spinach  
> You ain't even really in it, you ain't even really got it  
> I ain't got time for the bullshit  
> I just spent a dub after school, bitch  
> Had to pay my motherfuckin' senior dues  
> And let's just see what you gon' do
> 
> I'ma hit him with my motherfuckin' tool (tool)  
> I use my pistol for my motherfuckin' tool (number two)  
> And yes, bitch, I love going to school  
> All that motherfuckin' cappin, and that trappin', that shit cool

_****Gather 'round believers of good and listen to the newest installment of The Coon....._  
_Darkness has taken over our town._  
_Mysterion has given into evil._  
_It's up to The Coon to stop him._  
_As we waited for our transportation to skewl, my **Coon Sense!** started tingling!_  
_Something was wrong, very wrong._  
_I've learned to trust my **Coon Sense!**_  
_It has always been my guide, so I knew I must act!_  
_The Coon must know when to defend itself._ ****

 **Cartman: Oh no! I forgot to bring my science experiment! It's very sensitive and requires my constant vigilance!** He said and faded into the background.

**RavenStan: Did you hear something?**

**Kenny: ffwp _HellNo_ ffffwwwpp**

Cartman faded into the background, away from his fellow travelers at the bus stop. He ducked into a nearby bush and donned his The Coon disguise. He stealthily waited and made sure his quarry boarded the bus. Kenny stepped onto the creaky bus last and spent a moment speaking to Ms. Crabtree. This was the perfect opportunity for The Coon to sneak up to the rear of the bus and climb up the ladder there. Using his mighty Coon Claws, he clung to the back of the bus as Ms. Crabtree made her way to South Park Elementary once again. The rusty, battered bus sped along towards adventure with the villain Mysterion aboard and our Fearless Hero The Coon clinging to the back.

 **ASSHOLE!!!!!** ****bellowed The Coon! as a huge cloud of polluted smoke exploded into his steely gaze.

Tweek boarded the bus with Wendy, Clyde and Bebe and he made his way to the back of the bus. Always on the make, Clyde smoothly slid into a seat next to Bebe and chatted with her about their fake egg daughter they had named Princess Megahan. Tweek had been up all night trying to paint a portrait of Michael because he couldn't sleep, but his twitching fingers made everything impossibly squiggly and left him feeling more frustrated than ever. He turned his shaky gaze out of the back window of the speeding bus and did a double take!

 **Oh Gawd!! What now! GGGHHHHAAA!!!** he exclaimed at the sight of a large rodent hanging off of the back of the bus! He rubbed his exhausted eyes, trying to erase his latest crazy, hallucination. RavenStan and Kyle just looked at each other and shrugged. 

The school bus pulled up to South Park Elementary exactly on time and all of the kids filed out to begin another mind-numbing day; all of the kids, except Kenny & The Coon. Our fearsome protector, The Coon, readjusted his grip and peered into the bus. He saw the now evil Mysterion speaking to the evil Ms. Crabtree again. Kenny pulled a torn mitten out of his pocket and placed something small and white into the driver's hand. **ffthmp _CabriniGreen_ mmffwp**

 **Ms. Crabtree: WHAT DID YOU SAY!!!** she screeched.  
**Kenny: ffthmp _CABRINI GREEN!!_ mmffwp** he repeated.

The small, orange hooded boy jumped off of the bus in front of the notoriously violent and rundown projects. He glanced around at South Park's dark underground secret. A pang of hunger ripped through his hollow, bony body. He put his secondhand mitten to the small opening in his hood and sniffed loudly. The hunger pain faded as he shook his head from the beautiful burning he felt in his adolescent sinuses.

With crystal confidence, he moved towards the towering, horrific building. The courageous child walked with a swag which exclaimed that he belonged there. His ratty kicks and thrift store threads were of no interest to the thieving creatures lurking around in the busted glass and rubble.

 _****What fresh hell is this??_  
_This place reeks of evil and despair!_  
_Mysterion has truly gone to the dark side if this is where he spends his days now._  
_Thank all mighty Cthulu for my perfect **Coon Sense!**_  
_Once again, it is left to me, our town's only hope for salvation._  
_May the Dark Lord protect and guide me on my righteous mission._ ****

Kenny's tongue felt swollen in his sandy mouth as he concentrated on remaining calm as he made his way into the graffiti covered nightmare. He felt like he was being watched from all sides and did not pick up on the fat rat tailing him. He instead focused on keeping a wide birth around his body from all sides. They appeared to be just two more poor kids hanging around on a school day with all of the other delinquents. The Coon quietly followed Kenny down a dark, cinderblock hallway and watched him literally crawl through a hole in the wall.

The far from innocent hooded child emerged from the large, gaping mouth of a portrait of urban "legend" Candyman. The Coon stayed behind the wall and saw the arch villain approach a metal door in the dark, dusty building. He knocked on the door in code: [Rap Rap ---Tappity Tappity ---Rap Rap] and he heard a teeth clenching squeal as a small slot lid open in the door and two bloodshot eyes peered out through the door. Kenny looked up and jumped in front of the hole in the door. The heavy door squeaked open on aging hinges.

 **Hey man! I have no idea what's goin' on.**  
**Kenny: mmffwh _YouSuckTowelie_ ffmmthm**  
**Towelie: C'mon in. I was just writin' my memoirs.**

Kenny was eager to get to business and get out of Towelie's latest roach infested squat.

 **Towelie: Sup man, I was about play some SNES, wanna get high?**  
**Kenny: fwpth _NawManIAin'tGotTime_ mfmp**  
**_lrpth _INeedATool_ mflrp_** __  
**Towelie: Sure man. I got you. You wanna get high?** he said and stared into space with a weak smile.  
**Kenny: rmpgh _ToolFool!_ rmpdh**

Towelie managed to get off of his ratty, yet comfy couch and lift up the cushion. He selected a snub nose nickel from the guns in his "store", handed it to Kenny and sat back down and took a big dab hit, causing a huge coughing fit.

Kenny checked the gun over quickly and made sure it was loaded, then pulled out a roll of bills. Still coughing, the super stoner held up a pale hand and waved the money away.

 **Towelie: Naw man, we're cool dawg. Just check in on Washcloth for me? Make sure he's doing ok, a'ight?**  
Kenny nodded, put the piece away and made his way to the door. As the door squeaked shut...

The Coon stood silently waiting and watching in the filthy darkness when he saw the evil Mysterion emerge and heard faintly, **Sure you don't wanna get high? Don't forget to bring a towel, you don't want to .....**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not sure where this fits into the timeline yet.  
> Thank you Candyman and _BobbyBluntz.  
> To Be Continued...


	5. Kenny's Day (Kenny & The Coon 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **" _. . . all day_**  
>  ** _We need underpants hey!_**  
>  ** _We won't stop until we have underpants!_**  
>  ** _Yum tum yummy tum . . ._** "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter inspired by "Every Day Is Exactly The Same" by NIN Inch Nails
> 
> I believe I can see the future  
> Cause I repeat the same routine
> 
> I think I used to have a voice  
> Now I never make a sound
> 
> I can't remember how this got started  
> But I can tell you exactly how it will end
> 
> Every day is exactly the same  
> There is no love here and there is no pain

_****Thanks to my mighty Coon Sense and keen ninja stealth, this town may still be saved._  
_Again it has fallen to me, the lone hero left in a wasteland of deceit and filth._  
_Will this town ever know that it is rotting from within?_  
_No, they will sleep their blissful sleep of ignorance._  
_Never knowing how close they came total oblivion at the hands of this new evil._  
_I must continue my lone quest to uncover the truth._  
_The ugly truth of Mysterion's evil-doing._  
_May the Dark Lord grant me strength!****_

Kenny was glad to leave Towelie behind in his squalor. He had wasted far too many hours on the blue-haired stoner's couch. As he walked along the trash-strewn railroad tracks behind Cabirini Green, he had the sinking feeling that he was being watched. He kept moving, chalking it up to his weary mind playing another trick. He paused under a graffiti covered underpass, took a large sniff behind his mitten and hurried even faster in his worn, Walmart kicks.

The Immortal Coon started to lag behind the speed-walking blonde:

 _****Perhaps the fiend has infected himself with a new super-virus!_  
_Disease leaks from his filthy nose at this very moment!_  
_The bony demon intends to declare germ warfare on us all!_  
_Best I keep my distance, lest I fall victim to his evil plot._  
_My magnificent Coon Cloak of Shielding may be all that stands between South Park and Armageddon!****_

**_{ { { FWAP! WHOOSH! THWAK! } } }_**  
The magnificent American Flag of the Smith Family Compound whipped in the chilled, crisp mountain breeze.  
Kenny quietly went around to the back and scaled a drainpipe up to the attic window and tapped on the glass...

 **NO! I said mushroom!**  
. . .  
**This fabric you sent me is beige!**  
**You'll burn in hell before I let you ruin Aqua Nova Designs!**  
**Miss Aqua does not do beige!**  
. . .  
**Look, I gotta go, I have a VSIP client.**  
. . .  
**Were you born yesterday?**  
**Very Sexy Important Person!**  
. . .  
**Just get this garbage out of my sight!**  
AquaRoger screamed into her bluetooth as she tossed 2 bolts of cloth out of the window and downed a stiff, dirty martini.

 **You think the Met Gala is all glitz and glam?**  
**Don't kid yourself honey!**  
**Fashion is a bloodsport!**  
**Well, c'mon on in sweetie, let's have a chat!**  
AquaRoger slid her thin arm around our VSIP's heavy coat and lead him to the bar.

 ** _fwthpt_ Hey doll, is the suit ready? _mfwthm_**  
The blonde stood behind his chair, ever vigilant.

 **Always in such a rush!**  
**Sit, have a drink, relax!**  
**You crime crusaders are always so serious with the brooding and the vigilance!**

**_mbwpth_ Next time babe, I just need the suit and the nitrate. _mmpwh_**

AquaRoger sighed, and clicked in her Manolo Blahnik Maryjanes behind the bar and brought out the newly repaired magnificent Mysterion disguise.

 **You're lucky I'm such a genius.**  
**What on earth do you get up to out there?**  
**You got mine?**

Kenny pulled out a large ziplock bag containing beautiful, soft locks of sunshine blonde hair and traded it for the purple suit and a box of "poppers".

 **I don't know how you do it sugar but my wigs thank you!**  
**It's gorgeous as always.**  
**Go ahead and try it on, I won't peek.**  
She held her long fingers up to her large alien eyes and peeked.

Kenny loosened his orange hood, revealing his smooth, stunning, sunken, pale cheeks. The brave boy closed his crystal blue eyes and shook his gorgeous silky honey mane. He pulled his zipper down and slid out of his secondhand, orange hunting coat and dropped it to the floor. He stripped off his Proinsias Cassidy-like, cool thrift store threads. The frigid Colorado air made his thin, naked body shiver. Our thankless hero slipped his lean, wiry, pale body into the silky purple tights and snug white briefs. He donned his dead sexy mask and unfurled his dark, sumptuous cape. Mysterion felt power surging through his muscles and raised his hood. He was a breathtaking vision of youth and mystery.

 ** _FWISH!!_**  
The tiny hero vanished!

**Get the fuck outta here you lowlife CHEESEHEAD!**  
**Or do you want a dick in your mouth too?**  
SkankHunt42 bellowed from his hideous, furious troll face at the dark, compelling figure crouched in his window.

 **Not until justice is served.**  
**You made a deal, right or wrong.**  
**Fork over the cash you owe or suffer the consequences you filthy rat thief!**

 **Fuck off kid!**  
**Nobody's gonna believe an puny pantie wearing punk like you!**  
**I am an Attorney!**  
SkankHunt42 pounded the greasy, disgusting fur growing out of his pajama shirt!

Our hooded hero leapt from the window and pounced on the deadbeat's back!  
He pressed the barrel of his Glock into the troll's massive, yarmulked, bald head.

**Bust a deal, face the steel SCUMSUCKER!**

**_Ohhh SHAYITT!!_**  
**Okay, okay!**  
He stammered and held up the cash he was hiding under his holy head covering.

 ** _FWISH!!_**  
The tiny hero vanished!

_* * * * Once again, My Cunning Coon Sense was right!_  
_Mysterion is spreading his evil in all directions._  
_Soon the town, yea the world, will fall victim to his disease._  
_This burden is heavy, yet I alone must carry it._  
_The vile villain must be stopped._  
_My magnificent Coon muscles cry out in hunger!_  
_But I must go on._  
_The Dark One needs my help._  
_I must fight!* * * *_

The Coon did not let the slim, silent assailant out of his watchful masked gaze. The vicious vermin of the night was ready to swipe his sharp claws at any threat that dared to come near. His exquisite striped tail ruffled in the icy breeze from behind his objects of obfuscation. To mere mortals, they appeared to be simple garbage cans in trash strewn alleys. To the deadly creature of shadows, they were the only safe haven in South Park's dangerous, crime ridden streets.

In truth, Mysterion was a creature of sacrifice; motivated by the purest of loves. His love was strong and true and knew not the boundaries of right and wrong. His mission was too important and pressing to be concerned with such childish notions. He learned long ago that good and bad were just two more luxuries he could not afford. He only knew that innocents depended upon him. Our hero's divine devotion drove him forward when his starving, wasted body screamed out for relief. Time was running out and he had much to accomplish before he could rest his weary bones.

**_Ya Ya Ya!_**  
**_I am Lorde!_**  
**_Ya Ya Ya!_**  
**_Let's all dance!_**  
**_Rock It, rocket, all of his rocket sauce!_**

 **Aahhhh, No!**  
**This is shite!**  
LordeRandy jammed her fist into her hairy cleavage and pulled out a glass pipe.  
She held a sparkly pink lighter under it and sucked hard with deep, plump lips.  
She shook the empty pipe with rage!

 **Bloody Bollocks! I'm out!**  
**How can I write genius hit songs without my crack?**  
She fell to her knees and began to scrape the floor with her long, black, goth nails.

 **It needs work.**  
**But it's got a good beat baby.**

 **Stan's mate!**  
**Thank God you're here, have you got my crack?**

 **Got something better; try this.**  
Mysterion tossed a small white package and pipe to the talented songwriter.

Our purple protector took some cans of Chef Boyardee from the shelves in the Marsh garage and stashed them in his borrowed, beat up backpack.

LordeRandy loaded the new pipe and immediately took a blast.  
She blew a large white cloud out into her studio/garage and closed her heavily black eye-lined eyes.

 ** _Ya Ya Ya!_**  
**_I am Lorde!_**  
**_Ya Ya Ya!_**  
**_I Burn and Turn and Yearn._**  
**_Ya Ya Ya!_**  
**_He shot his rocket sauce!_**  
**_Ya Ya Ya!_**  
**_But it was just a toss!_**

 **I'm Bloody Brilliant again!**  
**I could kiss you mystery boy!**  
**But I must protect my purity.**  
**Ooo, "Mystery Boy"!**  
**My incredible brain is exploding with ideas!**  
**Wait here you angel of mercy.**  
**Oooo, "Angel of Mercy"!**

LordeRandy wobbled into the house on chunky goth heels and peeked into the family room. Luckily it was time for "Here Comes Fatty Doo-Doo!", Shelly's favorite show. The darkly deep diva snuck up to the nasty tween's room and grabbed her Justin Bieber bank and raced back down to our waiting hero. LordeRandy held up the ceramic head and was about to smash it but . . .

A dark blur flew across the studio/garage like graceful greased lightning and her hands were empty.  
The tiny hero was gone!

Later that night, when RavenStan came home he was ambushed by the evil Shelly!  


**YOU LITTLE _TURD!!_**  
**Where is it!**  
**Tell me now _TURD!!_**  
She pounded her baby brother till her fists bled.  
RavenStan didn't even bother to question her brutal attacks anymore.  
It was just another part of his dark world of pain and despair.

**Oh Jeezuth Chirystht!**  
**Hurry up and get in here!**  
**If Teacher catches us he'll be furious!**  
**Oooo yeasth!**

mr. slave hustled his guest of mystery into Mr. Garrison's house and raced to Teacher's room. He ran to the wall of collectable, rare Barbies on display there. First he went to grab the "Astronaut Career Girl" doll but then gently took a "Lorde Barbie Girl" doll instead. It was Teacher's most rare and prized treasure! He traded the beautiful brunette barbie for the box of poppers . . .

 ** _FWISH!!_**  
Our tiny hero was hurried out!

Later that night, when Mr. Garrison came home . . .  
**YOU LOUSY GOOD FOR NOTHING _WHORE!!_**  
**Where is it!**  
**Tell me now you _FILTHY DAWG!!_**  


Teacher paddled mr. slave's tight little white ass till it bled.  
mr. slave winced and shivered in ecstasy.  
It was just another part of his dark world of pain and pleasure.

Night began to fall and Mysterion was running out of time. His daily mission of mercy was not yet complete. He hurried to his last stop before heading home:

He was in such a hurry, he did not notice the rodent that followed him into South Park's legendary coffee joint, Tweek Bros. The tireless, thankless hero did not get coffee and went to the infamous backroom. There, in the silent darkness, he disappeared down an unmarked door in the floor.

The Coon valiantly tore himself away from the luscious cronuts on display and observed more of the vile underbelly of South Park. He could faintly hear the sound tiny voices singing before the hatch closed . . .

 ** _. . . all day_**  
**_We need underpants hey!_**  
**_We won't stop until we have underpants!_**  
**_Yum tum yummy tum . . ._**

When Mysterion emerged from the hole, he was not wearing his underwear!

 _. . . My Glorious Coon Powers of Observation have finally revealed the source of Mysteiron's power!_  
_The disgusting slime funds his evil plans by prostituting his firm, young body!_  
_I should have known!_  
_At last the truth is revealed and I may rest and restore my strength, lest I perish and evil wins . . ._

In the darkness, The Coon concealed his costume and once again became the innocent youth known as Cartman. The starving boy went to the display case and demanded 6 cronuts and a pumpkin spice coffee with extra whipped cream.

 **Tweek! I need you to watch the store a moment!**  
Mr. Tweak grabbed a wad of cash from the cash register and rushed to the backroom to meet his supplier.

 **That dick treats you like a slave!**  
**If he keeps talking to you like that, I'm gonna smash his smug face in!**  
Craig frowned and kicked a chair in the coffee house.

 **Honey no!**  
**It's almost time to close.**  
**Then we can go home and watch the new Iron Fist.**

 **I'm sorry babe.**  
**I know how much you want to see Ward Meachum again.**

 **Only as much as you want to see Danny Rand again.**  
Tweek turned his cute little nose up at his protective boyfriend.

 **You're right babe.**  
Craig patted his sexy beta on the behind and helped to fill Cartman's order.

Richard Tweak ran to the kitchen where the coffee was brewing in huge pots.  
He climbed up on a chair and dumped a kilo of "gnome" into the bubbling, black beverage.  
He never questioned where the mysterious kid in the cape got the "secret ingredient" which kept him in business.  
It was just another part of his dark world of addiction and success.

Our weary savior was at last home. He put down his heavy backpack and stored his disguise inside. Kenny looked in through the window at his kind but hopeless parents sitting on their ratty couch. He took a deep, muffled breath, stepped inside and went to the barren kitchen. There he left the cans of spaghettios resting on top of the money.

 **Did you hear something?**  
**What?**  
Kenny's parents did not move and continued to smoke and watch "I Dream of Jeanie" on their antenna tv.

The McCormick Family's breadwinner checked on his baby brother and sister.  
**mmmrbbrb _Keep this safe_ bbrbmmph**  
Kevin's big brother handed him Shelly's Justin Bieber bank.

 **My very own Barbie! I love her!**  
Little Karen McCormick hugged Mr. Garrison's prized doll.  
Her big brother gently stroked her hair till she fell asleep.

South Park's humble hero at last slid into his sheetless, lumpy bed.  
He knew sleep was impossible and got up.  
Kenny sighed as he cut his beautiful blonde locks and collected the hair.  
He trudged through the bitter, snowy night to a quiet, barren tree.  
The lonely, lovely little boy slid the barrel of his gun between his teeth and . . . 

. . . _Kenny was bouncing through a field of pink and purple poppies_  
_A warm breeze ruffled through his feathery soft buttercup locks_  
_The lean muscles of his thin, straight shoulders and back rocked and swayed in the sunlight_  
_Cartman's thick fingers reached out to feel the skipping sexpot's silky skin_  
_Kenny giggled, just out of his reach . . ._

Tiny CupidCartman giggled and hovered over Eric's bed.  
He shot another tiny love arrow into the chubby dreamer's heart.  
CupidCartman pulled down his itty bitty diaper and tinkled into Eric's open, needy mouth.

**_oh no, you got all wet!_**  
**_tee hee hee!_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, that went really dark!  
> Kenny is too tragically romantic.
> 
> Most of this chapter was completed long ago.  
> I hope I was able to maintain the tone it had before.  
> It may be a little bi-polar.


End file.
